I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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