I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I deserve this hangover.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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