i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
