I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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