Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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