After last night, I could never be a politician.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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