she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
