I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
