hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
