PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
