I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
