This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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