Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
