I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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