Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
