There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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