he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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