He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
