fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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