Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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