I should be sponsored by Trojan
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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