just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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