You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
