i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
two words...techno handjob
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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