He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
