I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
