Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
