If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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