Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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