Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
