so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
