i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
