i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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