I think I died a long time ago.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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