i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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