remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
