Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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