I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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