just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize