Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
