Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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