Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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