Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
