That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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