Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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