Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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