i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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