you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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