Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
