Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
