Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
