I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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