If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
