Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
