so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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