we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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