No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
