It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
