I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
