Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
