At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
