Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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