You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
