Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
