my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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