her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
