Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
