hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
