look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
