Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
