My first STD was from a foam party
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
