1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
